Monthly Online Magazine
by and for those with MS
Issue 149, February 2012
Tables of Contents
Our Pride &Joy!
I hope this can be an epistolary series; some of my favorite books are published letters, (especially of Robert Lowell!). Letters between dear friends have always fascinated and moved me...
I wrote the letter to V___; it is an actual letter, but I decided to share it with Musings because the epistolary form has always fascinated me, and I thought it may be fun for others to read, too.
Hiya V__, I imagined your snowdusting scene, and thought about how delicate and light and fresh and cold it was, like a little blast of peppermint... Here the afternoon took on that golden late sunshine, drawing back into a stunning orange sunset. KK & I went on a slow walk up Chestnut Bend, and I put my effort into looking up and out and breathe in the fresh air, and not think of the discomfort in my pants... It took me a many months to be able to do that; not to let it phase me at all. No shame, no horror, no disgust. The cleanup work afterwards is worth it to me because it is important to keep walking, no matter what. When a neighbor approached, I kept my distance. Smiled and backed away slowly, ha ha.
A couple days ago my neighbor friend I met in summer emailed me, asking if I wanted to hang out this week. I decided not to avoid the issue any longer, and decided on how I would help her understand why I've been in hiding out these past several months. So the words I chose were, "my body has put me on diaper duty all day long, and that I kept getting wiped out by all the cleaning involved. Itís not even like a baby; itís constant. Then I told her planned "p.t. and likely surgery." She offered to cook for me, but I didn't accept her offer, since I'm usually just dropping raw foods into a blender for my liquid diet. But I appreciated so much that she offered. I'm unable to think of bridge the gap between my slow, hidden life and her active, fast mind, public life, full of ideation. But I will not stop trying.
You're right, though. Most of the time it feels so much better to be alone... I tried to cancel my Mom's visit, just to get more rest. But she came and I got excited and exhausted, and remained in bed most of the time she was here. Now I am so happy to resume my studies. And to think of my livemocha friends in Algeria...the film you saw [Daughter of Keltoum] sounds very relevant to my social circle, and so I ordered it from the library. Thank you, thank you!
This week I saw the film "Cairo Time" on Showtime. Have you seen that? The cinematography was so beautiful, certain scenes were really like paintings. The film had gorgeous, slow, hypnotic, contemplative sequences with a beautiful soundtrack.
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