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It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned! Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, ya dip shit.

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E-MOONING

We all know those cute little computer symbols called 'emoticons,' where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Sometimes these are represented by

:-)

:-(

Well, how about some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ass

(__!__) a fat ass

(!) a tight ass

(_*_) an ass hole

{_!_} a swishy ass

(_o_) an ass that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ass

(_X_) leave my ass alone

(_zzz_) a tired ass

(_E=mc2_) a smart ass

(_$_) Money coming out of his ass

(_?_) Dumb Ass

You have just been e-mooned! Send
this to 5 people within the next hour and

you will be blessed with people laughing

at your e-mail.

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THE ITALIANS KNOW HOW TO SHOW LOVE

Click here: YouTube - Free Hugs in Sondrio, Italy TURN UP MUSIC

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A.A.A.D.D. - KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,

put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,

and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back

on the table and take out the garbage first..

But then I think,

since I'm going to be near the mailbox

when I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,

and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,

so I go inside the house to my desk where

I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,

but first I need to push the Coke aside

so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Coke is getting warm,

and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke,

a vase of flowers on the counter

catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Coke on the counter and

discover my reading glasses that

I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,

but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,

fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,

I'll be looking for the remote,

but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,

so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,

but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,

but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,

get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to

remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day:

the car isn't washed

the bills aren't paid

there is a warm can of

Coke sitting on the counter

the flowers don't have enough water,

there is still only 1 check in my check book,

I can't find the remote,

I can't find my glasses,

and I don't remember what I did with the car keys

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,

I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day,

and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem,

and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail....

Do me a favor.

Forward this message to everyone you know,

because I don't remember who I've sent it to.

Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming!!

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My job search

1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack,
but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried being a Tailor,
but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory,
but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but just didn't have the thyme.

6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker,
but any way I sliced it.... couldn't cut the mustard.

7.. My best job was a Musician, but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to be a doctor but didn't have any patience.

9.. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory.
Tried hard but just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman,
but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center,
but they said I wasn't fit for the job..

13 After many years of trying to find steady work,
I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14 My last job was working in Starbucks,
but had to quit because it was the same old grind.

15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT

AND I FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

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Reach Jay by email to comment: julianoj007@aol.com

Jay is in our Gallery!

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