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THE COMPUTER SAYS NO!! Or HOW NOT TO TREAT A CUSTOMER 101

Notes from Andy

I do appreciate there are far bigger nastier banking stories than this that have occurred recently.

Please do click the hyperlinks as they make this tedious story less boring.

Three weeks ago Diane and I decided to write off some debts by increasing the mortgage on this house before we sell it as credit card companies are ramping up rates at an alarming 1979 type rate.

As both our children have now left home we want to move away from the pollution and pressure of London, back to the countryside where we are both happier.

So Diane went to the bank we have both used since I was 18. (I am now 52)

During that time my account has NEVER been overdrawn, and we have NEVER EVER not paid a bank bill, during the peak of my powers, I often passed transactions worth over £2million pounds through this account.

The relationship manager at HSBC who we have known for 14 years assured us that the loan Diane required was ready AND waiting and would be no trouble.

HOWEVER enter a person called Mas Rashid who is now the Captain Mainwaring of the Chalfont St Peter branch.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Captain_George_Mainwaring

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5TlJLVwwc6o

He initially cancelled two meetings with Diane, one after she had driven from Cardiff and was 30 minutes away from Chalfont.

He then insisted that he had never met me and DID I really EXIST, so he demanded to see me.

At this point my GUT (and my gut is BIG) was to say NO. Sadly I failed to listen to my gut and fixed to meet this power mad very short person.

SO I went to the 1970's built bank in the precinct at Chalfont St Peter to meet with Mr Rashid. There are no drop curbs in the car park (really it’s a nightmare) so I had to wheelchair along the main road, surrounded by Chelsea tractors and irritated very OLD men in sports cars.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chelsea_Tractor#Slang

Finally I arrived at the front door of this 1970's nightmare bank (it makes the Pavilions’ look like the Ritz). http://www.qype.co.uk/place/322925-the-Mall-Pavilions-Uxbridge

They have a disabled button on the wall, I pressed it! The door flew open and nearly killed an old lady who was queuing inside (she later told me she was 83) I gently nudged through the door and then "it" (the HEAVY bank security door / not the old lady) began to beat me every 5 seconds until I had shoved my way passed the old lady into the bank.

>>DEEP BREATH OUT<< I AM IN THE BANK

HOWEVER

At this point I was greeted by a barrier (it divides the ambulatory customers from the bank tellers) at eye height if you are in a wheelchair. It’s a foot wide and has sharp edges. At both ends of it are some dreadful plant troughs full of dehydrated plants and lots of potting compost.

The meeting room to meet Mr Rashid was up a flight of wooden stairs.

There is no lift!

So I found a corner and waited!

And waited!

So there you have IT a HUGE international company of the size of the HSBC has seriously FAILED to comply with the DDA act.

Yes I know we all hate banks at the moment BUT this bank has been THIS BAD for 34 years.

After a while I managed to get a young chap wearing an HSBC badge on to tell Mr Rashid I was here.

After 30 (THIRTY) more minutes he came down to meet me. I know he knew I was there because :

The young chap had returned to tell me he had been informed!

I could see myself on CCTV camera.

Because there was no way of getting to his office, he then held "our" meeting in the corridor and in an odd window box with a PC in it.

BUT not before he had made a HUGE display of shifting the dehydrated plant troughs.

It became obvious at this point that despite LOTS (10 or more) promises he had done NOTHING to process our loan query.

He then asked if I wanted to LEAVE so he could "mail me" the offer. I declined and so he proceeded to type furiously for 30 minutes into the window box computer.

He asked me if I had my passport with me (please don't forget I have been a customer at this same bank / same branch for 34 years) I said I did have my passport with me but that he didn't need it.

He became aggressive and asked why!

I pointed to the inch thick pile of paper my wife had mailed to him three weeks earlier the top copy of which was a gray scale picture of my passport and my face.

He continued to frantically type into his window box PC whilst intermittently asking me embarrassing questions.

(I am still sitting in the corridor surrounded by people I went to school with 47 years ago).

FINALLY HE PRESSED THE WINDOW BOX PC ENTER KEY (the whole process had taken over 40 minutes)

IN TRUE LITTLE BRITAIN STYLEE HE DECLARED.............................

The computer says NO!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZAoMv_QnAU

I was beyond getting angry at this stage and also in serious need of a toilet (there are none that are accessible within HSBC or within 880 yards of the building). So I left and returned home (having again risked life and limb in the drop kerb free precinct.)

I dialled another bank on my return home and without meeting they agreed to replace the entire loan for approx 70% of the HSBC cost.

The moral of this story is a good one for ANY business NEW or ESTABLISHED.

90% of the people who move to a competitor do NOT do it because the competitor offers a BETTER deal (despite what a billion sales / marketing / advertising professionals tell you) BUT because they are seriously PISSED OFF by their existing provider.

A 34 year customer (man and boy) and his entire family, lost because of one employee's bigotry and intolerance.

Stay Well

Andy

P.S. As an addendum my wife was telephoned today by Mr Rashid and he apologised to HER and offered her the loan. He then asked if she could give him my number. She declined to do so and explained she felt it was not a good idea.

Reach Andy by email to comment: ab@netcomuk.co.uk

Andy is in our Gallery!

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