Old
Age, I decided, is a
gift.
I am
now, probably for the first time in my
life, the person I have
always wanted to be.
Oh, not my
body!
I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy
eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old
person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother!), but I don't
agonize over those things for long.
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving
family for less gray hair or a flatter
belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less
critical of myself. I've become my own friend.
I don't chide myself
for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying
that
silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant garde on my
patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be
extravagant.
I
have
seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they
understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read
or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until
noon?
I will dance with
myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70's, and if I, at the
same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging
body, and will
dive
into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances
from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just
as
well
forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things..
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not
break when you lose a loved
one,
or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets
hit
by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding
and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and
sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray,
and to
have
my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my
face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before
their hair could turn silver.
As you get
older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other
people think. I don't
question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free.
I
like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever,
but
while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could
have
been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every
single day.
